(portending percussion drumming)
- Remember, on point with curbing the Fed,
reenacting Glass-Steagall,
even the playing field for the little guy.
You're just talking to the base.
Once we get this meeting over with,
we'll go over the bullet points.
- What's with this meeting anyway,
do we have to do this now?
- NSA's got a situation.
Brenner's guys set it up,
something to do with securing nukes in Pakistan.
- You're NSA, just handle it.
- We're not confirmed yet, gotta be a solo tete-a-tete.
- 10 minutes max, I'll see to it.
(fast-paced bongo drumming)
- The station chafed my ass.
Well, you were just a kid when I left.
- It's Lahore High, pal.
You order room service, you get a few Stinger missiles,
an AK-47 and go with it.
- Coffee sucked too, huh?
Not as bad as Sri Lanka though.
- Where else were you?
- Taipei, Hong Kong, Lahore High, Islamabad.
Makes you fond for the Musharraf days,
fuck the good old days.
By the way, when you gonna get a decent suit, man?
We're talking about POTUS.
You look like a bum, respect.
We're not shoveling shit in Tora Bora anymore, sporto.
- Okay, I haven't had time, pal.
Besides, you've been in the rear with the gear
a few more years than me now,
that fuckin' hair of yours.
- I seem to remember what you grossed
on that billion dollar Baghdad pallet bomb.
- Yeah, well, you didn't do too bad
with that 400,000,000 (mumbles).
- I wasn't Agency then.
- Oh, pffffffft!
Please.
What do you got?
- POTUS is in the building.
- Mmm, good.
- You're gonna have to break your cherry first,
this is your first time.
Why don't you do the intro?
- Sure, why not?
Oh, Mr. President, John Dulles,
Deputy Assistant NSA to your predecessor.
This is my associate, Joseph Tucciarone.
- Mazel tov, Mr. President.
- Thank you.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Not quite official yet.
- Ah well, inauguration's just two weeks away,
I think we're in safe territory, huh?
Here oh please, have a seat Sir, after you.
- Oh, ah...
- Help yourself. - [Joseph] Fresh lox, bagel?
- [President] Thank you though, I appreciate it.
- [John] We thought of you.
- [Joseph] Pickled herring?
- Never touch the stuff.
- [Joseph] Ah, it's quite good.
- He didn't have breakfast, forgive him.
(portending orchestral music)
- So, there's an issue in Pakistan,
is that what we're talking about?
- Hell yeah it is.
Hell yeah it is.
- 65 megaton warheads,
whereabouts still not quite determined.
- Oh, I admit Pakistan's always gonna be a pain in the ass,
but that was just a pretext for us to,
let's say have this talk.
We're gonna have to pivot to some domestic affairs first.
- Yeah first, we're completely on board
with the whole bringing back Glass-Steagall,
income quality, stabilized markets,
high-frequency trading, dark pools, et cetra.
- But tampering with the Fed?
Tampering with the Fed?
Na-uh. Nope.
Normalized relations with Iran, yes.
Russian Federation in the pivot to Asia,
mmm, not quite yet, Sir.
- Sir, I just got back from Kabani,
and if the Kurds lose that land
and ISIS takes it so it's runnin' things over there,
and people realize just what fracking is doing
to a severely limited water supply,
that whole peak oil thing back in '05 and '06,
it's gonna come into play. - [Joseph] We're gonna need
- [Joseph] Iran's light sweep Cruise
seein' as the Saudis are spewin' that sour tar.
Not to mention, help us manage Vladimir,
as old "W" used to say.
See, we bring Russia just to the brink o' war, pull back.
Pull back.
Grab that NAC-ass pipeline
goin' though the Caspian Basin, Sir.
- Bring Russia just to the brink of war.
Excuse me, who are you again?
Why am I listening to this, is Brenner playing a game?
- Our National Security Clearance checks out.
I'm a Yale guy, most of the time at the Agency, NSA.
Gravitated to the private sector, as they say.
Consulting.
See, we don't write op-eds for the New York Times
or Washington Post.
We don't do Charlie Rose or Meet The Press.
We don't work for some Mickey Mouse op
like Brookings Institute, God forbid.
- Heritage Foundation.
- Citizens United.
No we um, we walk between the raindrops.
- Well, we represent a consortium of folks who well,
helped you get elected.
- Senate, media, Congress, all locked down.
You know, what those whack jobs on Coast to Coast radio
call the "Illuminati", the "Bildenbergers",
all that conspiracy horse shit.
Pretty sure that was Agency disinformation, right?
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's classic.
I mean, it's right up there with controlled demolition,
you know, it's complete fantasy.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- This is sort of an early inauguration, Sir.
You know, like when you were at Columbia,
or an orientation, if you will.
See, every president since Harry S. Truman
has had a version of this talk.
I mean, some Hillbilly from Missoura.
- Cow shit on his shoes.
- Couldn't run a fuckin' hot dog stand.
- President?
Think about it.
- Well, most fellas get in line like Ike did,
you know, after eating shit for two terms,
he had to blow off a little steam
on the whole "military-industrial complex" bit.
Then the Irish Catholic fella, Pulitzer, too.
- No, well Joe thought
all that bootlegging money'd buy him a ticket.
- Say you're gonna smash the CIA in a million pieces,
that's one thing.
Pullin' outta Vietnam, na-uh.
- Signing the National Security Action memo, paper trail.
- It's a Bruder film, you get the idea, Sir.
(mellow Classical music)
- Are you fucking kidding me?
Blackmailing the President of the United States?
- Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Sir.
Although, didn't you have to show him the Bruder film again?
- I sure did. - [John] His predecessor.
- [Joseph] I pressed play.
He took it hard, all that hope and change stuff.
We had to hard-sell it a bit.
(ominous orchestral music)
Pew! - [John] Back and to the left.
- [Joseph] Pew.
- Back, to the left.
Did you see that film, Sir?
It's a fantastic film.
- Brilliant.
- Gentlemen, I appreciate who you are,
and I have a vague understanding
of who and what you represent,
but I have a very important speech to make,
if you''ll excuse me.
(quickening ominous orchestral music)
(bagel thudding)
- [Joseph] ADA, Southern District in New York ring a bell?
- [John] Government versus Cello, Sir?
- Columbo family, I believe.
- I don't know what kind of game you're playing.
I wasn't even in the room, that was proximity only.
- Still, kinda tricky to explain though, don't you think?
Kinda like John Kerry and his position on Iraq.
Subtle, nuanced.
- Now, listen, listen, listen, listen.
Just hang with us a few more minutes.
Just give us a few more minutes of your time,
and I'm sure you'll realize that it's in your best interest.
- Absolutely in your best interest, Sir.
Besides, you're a rock star now, what do rock stars do?
- They make the fans wait.
(somber Classical music)
- Anyway.
LBJ, a Texan.
He got to have his Civil Rights but,
Great Society, bit of a non-starter.
- Well, that paranoid fella from Whittier.
- San Clemente, come on!
I mean, Obama had Hawaii, Slick Willy had Martha's Vineyard.
I mean, San Clemente, it's a nice beach town.
- It's a stupid taping system, I mean Jesus Christ!
- Well, Dick Nixon was in line for the most part.
End of the first term, opening China.
Yeah sorta.
- SALT one and two.
Detente.
- Ending the Cold War two decades before necessary,
you do the math on defense budgets.
That dog don't hunt.
Now listen, I'm not saying we can control everything,
the peanut farmer gave back the Panama, like a good fella,
but that kitchen cabinet!
- You know that pesky Ayatollah.
- If Slick Willy just kept his pecker in his pants,
or a cigar, or whatever the fuck that was, I'm still
tryin' to figure that out. - [John] And he's a pervert!
- [Joseph] Then we get to "W".
This fuckin' guy, knuckleheads like Rummey and Cheney,
de-Baathification.
160,000 instead of the 300,000 troops
Shinseki asked for in the first fuckin' place!
- What do you expect?
I mean, Rummey's a Princeton guy for God sakes.
- A fuckin' wrestler no less.
- He couldn't even make the football team!
- Hell, Dick Nixon made the damn team.
- Aren't you guys forgetting something
in your little scenario?
Actually, a couple of administrations?
Reagan and Bush?
- [Joseph] Oh, Uncle Ronnie?
Uncle Ronnie?
- Yeah, no, we consider Reagan three terms of Bush one.
- Well, 2-1/2 to be fair.
- [John] Schultz, Baker.
- Sununu, Cheney, Rummey.
- All Bush guys.
Think about it!
- Gentlemen, this is all very amusing.
But the fact of the matter is, I am the President-elect.
On a platform the very people themselves
have validated by a wide, by a very wide margin.
- [Joseph] Fuck winning.
- I have some real political capital and clout,
and I'll be God damned if a couple of CIA spooks
and fucking minions are gonna hijack my presidency!
Threaten my life with some surreal stroll
down spiritorial memory lane!
- I know, it's always Lincoln, right?
Oh, crazy man.
Hey!
Listen up.
We're tired of assholes like you comin' into office
and fuckin' things up.
Guys like you get elected and think you run this country,
you don't run this country, we do.
How do you think we got here?
- I've been wondering that for the past
five fucking minutes!
- Nothin' better to do than interrupt
your precious little $10,000.00 a plate luncheon?
Ask yourself, how did you get in this room
talking to a couple a--
- Chzbronies.
- Real schmucks.
- Shlemiels, believe me, Sir.
We didn't pay anybody no 10 dimes to get here, neither.
Then ask yourself, how much does it cost
to run a presidential campaign these days?
- 400?
500,000,000, at the very least, bargain basement.
- Early bird blue plate special, more like a billion per.
Not to mention, it's awfully hard to know
where every single penny came from.
Who knows?
- Who knows, I mean maybe laundered Afghan heroin money
via Citywide, could be. - [Joseph] Could be.
- [John] Could be. - [Joseph] Who knows,
- [Joseph] Wait a minute!
Michael Liebman, attorney over at Acres Grand
handled Countryside Financial, real chummy with Art Marello?
Oversaw legal services for WorldCom and Enron,
5.4 million in emerging market iShares ETF?
Boy, that sure smells like insider trading.
- Ah, it smells like um...
Here, take that, it smells like um, foul play to me.
Besides, did I fail to mention how hard it'd be
to get anything done if you lose
10 Senate seats two years in?
- Not to mention another 50 in the House.
Hell, you think it's a do-nothing Congress now?
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
♫ Eh, eh, eh-eh, eh-eh-eh-eh ♫
That'd be like Keith Richards' show, right?
Back in '88, that thing got way outta hand.
- [Joseph] It sure as shit did!
- There was enough blow there
to kill a platoon of Marines, wasn't there?
Right? (laughs)
- Didn't he end up in back?
- Yeah, yeah, The Fraternity Brothers, right?
- This is God damned outrageous,
I already won this fucking election!
- Cut the crap, Mr. President!
You think you won this election
because of some fuckin' democracy?
You won this election because of the people we represent.
Now the bill has come due, Sir.
You want us to obliterate your presidency in the first term?
We'll gladly oblige.
But I admit,
you and I maybe we got off on the wrong foot.
Maybe we need to change the prism
by how we look at this thing.
Legacy, Sir, I want you to think legacy.
It's inevitable.
Believe me, Sir, it's much easier to be remembered
for two terms, not one, unless...
- Back and to the left.
- No, that's not the way you wanna go out.
Sir, how would you like to go down
as one of the greatest presidents this country's ever seen?
Would you like me to walk you through that?
Picture this.
You're Michael Liebman, the nation's first Jewish president.
Brings together Fatah, the PLA, Hamas
as well as Likud, Kadima and Labor Party of Israel,
to do what no president has ever done!
- Not Camp David, not the Oslo Accords,
not Begin, not Sadat, not Arafat.
- Peace in the Middle East due to a two-state solution.
And just to add the cherry on top,
the greatest economic recovery since post-World War II.
- Clean Energy Revolution, Sir.
- Just imagine Michael Beschloss's creamin' his jeans,
comparing Liebman to Teddy Roosevelt, TR.
- Jon Meacham, waxing philosophic about
Michael Liebman and Thomas Jefferson.
- Well, minus the debt.
- And the slaves.
- Hold on, plagiaristic lightweight, Doris Kearns Goodwin,
calling Liebman a cross between old Abe Lincoln and FDR.
- And Charlie Rose, no less.
- This is all your future, Sir.
- Provided you play ball.
Watch your step, Sir.
- (exhales) So.
Gentlemen,
exactly what can I decide?
- That's a good question.
- (mumbles) The suits?
- Oh, Brooks Brothers, very presidential.
- [John] Kanye might have somethin' at this point.
- [Joseph] No, there's the Rose Garden.
- [John] Oh yeah, the wifey,
she can go bonkers in that thing.
- [Joseph] The White House West Lawn.
- Chef.
- 24/7. - [John] Anything you want.
- [Joseph] Just remember who's in fucking charge.
(mellow Classical music)
- Excuse me, gentlemen, I have a speech to make.
(mellow Classical music)
- I knew he was gonna do that.
- [Joseph] Think he got the message?
- He will.
(dramatic Classical music)
- Get me everything you can on these guys,
I mean everything!
- Yes, Sir, I'll talk--
- Just do it!
- [Female Aide] We're actually on schedule.
- Fuck 'em, make 'em wait!