Welcome to i am a film.
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Welcome to i am a film.
Director: Johan Palmgren , Lisa Gustafsson
Editor: Alexandra Litén
d.o.p: Johan Palmgren
Sound Mix: Istvan Stenberg
Music Isak Åslund, Niko Röhlcke
Elena's turn-on is drinking people's blood. Since she first noticed her attraction, she has felt like a monster. Moving to Sweden from Germany changes everything. A gently handled tale of self-loathing and gradual self-acceptance.
Elena grew up in Lübeck in the North of Germany. When she was eight years old she noticed that she felt a strong feeling in her body when watching splatter movies with her friends. When the others closed their eyes she was fascinated. As her attraction to blood became bigger she felt more and more like a monster. To have these feelings were not easy for a young girl. She realised that she was not like the others and she suffered at times for that. It was a heavy burden to keep this secret. Apart from this her childhood was filled with joy and she liked playing with the other kids in the area. Elena comes from an academic family, her father worked as a doctor and her mother was a research nurse. She had good grades at school and many friends. Elena can remember the first time she connected the blood to something sexual. She was 15 years old and it was the arms of her brothers friend that evoked her lust. His arms were full of visible veins that made her excited. The attraction she felt started to blossom and become part of her sexuality. She studied at the University of Hamburg but did not feel ok. She had problems with accepting her lust and backed away from social life. She read everything about hunger for blood, vampire communities and different psychological disorders around blood. She became friends with a couple in the same student dorm and one day the young woman caught Elena looking at a vampire site. The neighbour recognized the page and it turned out that they shared the same fascination. It was tough admitting her fetish but the friend made her talk a lot about it. Her friend saw that Elena was suffering and offered to become a donor. At first, Elena was sceptical. But her friend convinced her that this was something she really wanted to give to her and so she dared to try. The experience was euphoric and Elena could not sleep all night – she had made a life-long dream come true. But from that day the blood was more than a longing, drinking it became her drug. Her family knows nothing and the feelings of being a monster keeps on following her. She tries to get in control over her addiction. But the more she fights against it, the louder it screams. She can’t live like this and decides to move to Sweden, the land of her childhood summers. In Sweden she starts studying social anthropology at Stockholm University. Her dream is to make a thesis on this phenomenon, called hematophilia in the academic world. She has a big desire of throwing her monster overboard and is letting us follow her on that journey. A film about acceptance and letting go of one’s deepest fears.
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